Sep. 25, 2017

YES, I'M HAPPY.

I've never been much on numbers; math classes scared me. But, I do remember numbers, significant numbers, when they relate to special dates on the calendar. Even when I try  to forget a few...the numbers insist on taking-me-back to a particular time and place. 

Like today, September 25.  Fifty eight years ago today---such a long time ago--- was my wedding day. I have photos of that day....with bridesmaids, a well-decorated First Christian Church,  the reception in my parents' home, and the big honeymoon "exit".

That day was my biggest lifetime test. Looking back, it should have been my "screen test" and, just maybe, Hollywood could have altered my life....forever.  Too bad I was the only one who knew I was playing a part that day, pretending to be happy.   Even at the young age of 20...almost 21 years....I was forced to be a convincing actress.

 I was well-practiced in the art of pretend.  It didn't matter if I was happy...or sad...it was only important that I please my Mother.  And my Mother demanded  I get married, act like a happy bride....and marry the person she picked to be my husband.

1959 was way-back-when.  There's very-little left of that Sally--- the young girl who pretended to be a happy bride that September day.  It took a divorce, much time, a complicated career, and the death of my mother but...eventually....I stopped pretending.  Along the way, I discovered happiness and... found it in the strangest place.  I'm happy now because I know True Happiness doesn't come from others....it comes from inside me.

PS...From childhood through adulthood and beyond the grave.... I have one person who knows me best and loves me most.  I've never had to pretend with him.  The only photo in my Wedding Book that shows me genuinely happy......is the photo of me on the arm of my Father.  Today, like every day,  I remember him. 

My Father is my Happiness.  I love you,  Daddy. 

Sally Miller