Jan. 5, 2018

WHEN THE WOMAN WEARS THE PANTS, SHE SAYS "WHEN, WHERE, AND HOW LONG."

 

When I first married--- before I learned to say NO--- I reluctantly accepted invitations to play party-bridge several times a month.

One afternoon, sitting at the table with Ann (from a wealthy, old family in Pine Bluff and married to a man from another wealthy old family), I was shocked to hear her say, “God, I just realized today is Thursday--- which means I have to give Al “a little” tonight! I’d rather visit my gynecologist twice a day than have Al’s hands pushing and probing me for one eternally-long hour!”

Another woman seated at the same table spoke up: “Ann, I can’t believe you actually plan sex in advance. How do you control how long it lasts?”

That was Ann’s moment to shine: “Of course I plan it….I put it on my calendar like all my other appointments. I control how long it lasts by setting the alarm clock. He better be through by the time that alarm goes off because that's it---time's up! I’m finished!

I chose Thursday evenings because Al’s usually at the farm all day and gets home dead-dog tired. Also, I have my hair done on Friday mornings and I'm not about to let Al destroy a fresh hairdo.

The other woman, insatiably curious, asked: “You mean Al agrees to only one night a week and for only one hour?” Surely he tries to sneak-in some kissing, petting, or a little touchy-feely on the other days of the week.”

In response, Ann rolled her eyes, smiled and confidently replied “Al’s smart enough to know if he complains or tries any “hanky-panky”….I’ll cut off his weekly supply and he won’t “get-any” for months!"

 Sally Miller

(From my book: THE BEAUTY QUEEN--- LET NO DEED GO UNPUBLISHED.)