WHEN YOUR CHILDREN ABANDON YOU, ITS A LIVING DEATH.
The Date was August 1, 2011. That was the day everything changed for others but, especially, for me. My Mother officially died on that day and because of her death....I lost two daughters and two grandsons.
It is useless to resurrect the details of that day's devastating loss. It serves no purpose for me to describe the moment by moment hurt, shock, and disbelief I endured for hours, days, then years but--today--I have championed my loss. I have, at last, accepted what I could not and cannot change.
If you've read my book then you know about my childhood. You know that my Mother despised me from birth and abused me in a thousand endless-ways. In order to live beyond childhood, I had no choice but to--emotionally--"bury" my mother.
After my daughters were born, my mother used them---"played" them against me-- poisoned them with hate-- and promised them--over and over-- that someday they would have everything including her money, her house, and her jewelry. Everything would be theirs and-- I would have nothing.
August 1, 2011, My mother died and her promises came true. I was prepared for her Evil and her spiteful hate but I wasn't prepared for my ultimate loss. My daughters locked arms with their Stepmother, their father's preacher, the local funeral owner, and together--- they arranged a graveside service for their own little family, a few friends, and---I wasn't invited.
I was only allowed to "visit" my mother at the funeral home at a specific time of "their" choosing and...for only fifteen minutes. When I arrived at the appointed time, the funeral director "escorted" me to her casket. Looking at his watch, he reminded me I had only fifteen minutes. He also said the family requested that I not be left alone with my mother... for even a minute.
Its been eight years since I've seen or heard from my daughters. I can't imagine what lies they must have told my grandsons to explain my absence from their lives. Looking back, I never believed I could survive the hurt I experienced when my daughters--the two children I wanted and loved more than life--turned their backs, walked away, and never even said goodbye.
Yes, I prayed to die and, in fact, seriously considered taking my life but----God opened my eyes to see the value he'd placed on me-- from birth.
My mother and my daughters never loved me but God loves me. And, every day, God shows me how to love myself. Little by little, I've accepted the fact that when God loves you---life is precious and always worth living.