Aug. 20, 2019

SOME SUBJECTS ARE OFF-LIMITS FOR ME....EVEN IN WALMART.

So....Several weeks ago I was in Walmart with my usual grocery list. If you know me....then you aren't surprised that I never adhere to my list because...each time I'm in a grocery store, I absolutely-must visit the aisle containing Chocolate.

Those of us with a Chocolate Addiction use Chocolate as a kind of visual and oral therapy. Yes, like any type of "Fix", Chocolate is nothing more than temporary happiness BUT....it works every time!

Anyway, while I was standing there, lustfully-eyeing the shelves for an inexpensive but delicious momentary pleasure, a very small and stern-looking older man appeared and seemed to have difficulty passing me with his shopping cart. I quickly moved my cart and...feeling the need to be friendly....I smiled and said: "Just like a child, my shopping isn't complete unless I visit the candy aisle. Of course, I'm really here to find some chocolate...just for me. Chocolate is my favorite treat."

The man "perked up" instantly...like we were old friends! This absolute stranger launched into a lively conversation about his wife's chronic constipation which was aggravated by chocolate! Before I knew it, this most-devoted husband asked me to recommend something that would help his wife  "eliminate" her constipation?!?!?!

Not only did he list the various doctors she'd seen and the many treatments she'd endured BUT....he began describing--in detail-- the various enemas,colonics, pills,liquids, even suppositories that he'd assisted his wife in taking, using, and inserting?!?!?!

When he asked if I'd ever experienced "locked bowels"....I interrupted him to say "oops..I forgot I have an appointment in Hot Springs in fifteen minutes. Nice to talk with you and tell your wife I said "Hi"."

Still smiling, I waved goodbye, and.....holding onto my shopping cart for dear life...I raced away from the Deadly Chocolates to the safety of Aisle 12----where I hoped to restore my sanity among the Detergents, Bleaches, Disinfectants, and Cleaning Supplies.


I wonder if it's too-late for me to get a degree as an Internal Body Specialist?  Since moving to The Village, I've had more-than-a-few people eager to talk about their bathroom experiences...to seemingly enjoy sharing intimate "secrets" concerning their rectums, bowels, colonoscopies,  intestinal malfunctions...and I hide when I see those people headed in my direction!

Apparently, the world is overly-crowded with people who need to talk  about their bodily disfunctions or the dark secrets surrounding their personal-plumbing leaks, broken pipes, and offensive smells.  For some reason....listening to people talk about their poop---or their ability to go-- or not go--is a complete turn-off for me.  I wonder....if  I made lots and lots of money listening to people talk about their poop problems if.... well....that's another story.


Maybe I could convince Walmart to hire me as a "travel-the-aisles" Therapist with a listening specialty in "plumbing" issues but---that isn't remotely possible. Two months ago, Walmart eliminated their front door "greeters" so Walmart has no interest in making shoppers feel "loved and welcome" anymore.  Evidently, Walmart no-longer cares if shoppers feel that Walmart  is their "Home away from Home".

I will always believe there are subjects that should never be advertised on TV or discussed with strangers....or even alluded-to with close family. Yes, I have "privacy" issues but I prefer my personal issues to the  "open-ended" alternatives from strangers, SO.....

Stay Close....but not too close....

Sally