Aug. 16, 2020

LISTENING TO PEOPLES' PERSONAL PLUMBING ISSUES---MAKE ME NERVOUS...ESPECIALLY IN WALMART.

SOME SUBJECTS SHOULD BE OFF-LIMITS!

So....Several months ago I was in Walmart with my usual grocery list. If you know me....then you aren't surprised that I seldom adhere to my list because...each time I'm in a grocery store, I simple-must visit the aisles with my favorite snacks--like--- Chocolate.

Those of us with a Chocolate Addiction use Chocolate as a kind of visual and oral therapy. Yes, like any "Fix"…. Chocolate is a “temporary happiness” BUT....it works every time!

Anyway, while I was standing in the Candy Aisle, lustfully-scanning the shelves for an inexpensive but delicious --momentary pleasure-- a very small and serious-looking older man suddenly appeared. He was extremely thin, maybe a little weak,  and seemed to be having difficulty, maneuvering around my shopping cart. I quickly moved my cart out of the way and ---feeling the need to be friendly....I smiled and said: "Just like a child, my shopping isn't complete unless I visit the candy aisle. Of course, I'm really here to find chocolate.  Chocolate is my weakness."

The man "perked up" instantly...like we were old friends! This absolute stranger launched into a lively conversation about his wife's chronic constipation which was aggravated by chocolate! Before I knew it, this most-devoted husband was asking me to recommend something to help his wife "eliminate" her constipation?!?!?!

Not only did he list the many treatments she'd endured BUT....he began describing--in detail-- the various enemas, colonics, pills, liquids, even suppositories he'd insert in his wife's orifices!!!

When he began talking about her "locked bowels"....I  quickly interrupted:"OOPS! I'm late for a very important appointment in Hot Springs. Nice to talk with you!  Be sure to tell your wife I said "Hi"."

Still smiling, I waved goodbye, and.....holding onto my shopping cart for dear life... raced away from the Deadly Chocolates to the safety of Aisle 12----where I hoped to restore my sanity among the Detergents, Bleaches, Disinfectants, and Cleaning Supplies.

I wonder if it's too-late for me to get a degree as a Personal Plumbing Specialist!?  Since moving to The Village, I've had more-than-a-few people "open up to me" about their bathroom experiences... people who thoroughly enjoyed sharing intimate "secrets" concerning their rectums, bowels, colonoscopies,  intestinal malfunctions...and now-- I hide when I see those people headed in my direction!

Apparently, the world is crowded with older people who delight in talking about their most-intimate dysfunctions or the many-dark secrets surrounding their personal-plumbing leaks, broken pipes, and offensive smells.  For some reason....listening to people talk about their poop---or their ability to go-- or not go--is a major turn-off--- to me. 

Months ago, Walmart eliminated their front door "greeters" so Walmart is no-longer interested  in making shoppers feel "loved and welcome" anymore.  They probably wouldn’t consider hiring me as a “travel-the-aisles” Therapist who seriously- listens to people’s plumbing issues. Evidently, Walmart no-longer cares if shoppers feel Walmart is their "Home away from Home".

I believe there are serious- subjects that should NEVER be advertised on TV or discussed with strangers....or even alluded-to with close family. Yes, I have "privacy" issues.  You might say I’m “anal-retentive” when discussing ANY personal-plumbing-problems.   SO.....

Stay Close....but not too close and...DON'T expect to use my bathroom unless you close the door!!!!

 

SALLY