Nov. 10, 2020

I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT..HEAR IT..OR SMELL IT.

Last week I attended a dinner party. There were no children at the event, only “grownups”….well, SOME acted grownup.  Shortly after being seated, I looked around to see if anyone looked familiar.  My attention was drawn to an older man sitting at a nearby table, picking his nose.  Actually, the short-fingered, over-weight, and balding man was seriously “diggin and flickin”.  Others at the table were talking, laughing, and, seemingly,  ignoring him.

Fighting a strong urge to walk over and slap his hand away from his nose….I, instead, chose to study him.    It became clear that the man-child was married to the woman across from him. Apparently, the wife had learned to live with her husband’s nasty habit.  Imagine being married to a man who habitually- picks his nose-- like a belligerent child--any time, any place!

If a person “picks” at the table, that means he “picks” anywhere. If he picks it….there’s a strong possibility he eats it and... If that isn’t enough to turn-you-off…then you have a caste-iron-stomach. 

Any man who was married to me and wouldn’t stop “picking” could forget kissing, holding hands, and….everything else!

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When I returned to college in the early nineties, I was “assigned” a seat in the Cafeteria at the “Dorm-Mothers” table. One of the women at my table, with large diamonds embracing each finger, bragged about receiving millions of dollars five years earlier, when her husband died.

She insisted the small salary she made as a Dorm-Mother was un-important.  She claimed she just wanted to stay busy, feel useful, and serve as a role model for young women.

Well….after watching her after-the-meal-routine of using her long, manicured fingernail to carefully pick between all of her teeth, then either re-eating the “leftovers” or “flicking them” to the floor….this "uncouth" adult wasn't a role model for anyone, including me. 

We must never-ever let down our guard and expose our private hygiene…in the public arena. 

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I will never forget my first “official” date after divorcing in 1973.  My former sorority roommate at the U. of Arkansas insisted I have a blind date with her still- single brother. Not only had her brother recently graduated from medical school but, after seeing his photo, it was clear he had an undeniable WOW factor.

I was impressed with his looks, his slim and fit body, the way he dressed, but…also… his sleek, black Porsche. He announced he’d made reservations at Little Rock’s TOP OF THE ROCK Club….which made me believe he had good taste.  Looking back, I had every reason to get excited about this, our first date.  We were the last people to enter the crowded elevator. There were at least eight others ahead of us but…they “tightened” their ranks to make room for the two of us. The elevator door had barely closed when it happened----when the horrific sound and ghastly smell overwhelmed everyone in that tiny steel box; when the realization that my date was passing gas—in public, on an elevator full of strangers, including me--- couldn’t be denied! Imagine---my date actually giggled and laughed like a mischievous child!

 The embarrassing silence that followed those last few seconds of that elevator ride was extremely telling. When the doors opened on the TOP OF THE ROCK’S elegant décor and classic music….everyone rushed to leave the smelly incident and laughing fool... behind.  My once-promising evening had been destroyed by my date’s inexcusable lack of manners. Nothing, not even a beautiful dinner and a good-looking date-- could erase the memory of such a ghastly elevator incident.

My date had an arrogant attitude that said : "I can do what I want, when I want and--TO HELL with everyone but me"!!!!! 

I learned--long ago--that a beautiful or handsome appearance DOESN'T guarantee good behavior and...forget the Porsche! 

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In my opinion, Life is simple when you respect others as well as yourself. Just live-life-like a grownup and practice basic manners. Good manners--learned from childhood-- should never be forgotten. Good Manners separate civilized people from untamed heathens.

If you’re married…and your mate didn't receive "proper training" as a child...then it’s your responsibility to train him/her as an adult! No adult should purposely expel gas-- in public.  Farting in front of others is nothing more than a disrespectful/degrading act performed by someone who is desperate for attention and control.

I speak for almost every respectable Lady and Gentleman when I say: Both Socially and Personally, absolutely NO ONE should be allowed to demonstrate the kind of bad manners I’ve documented above.  Quite frankly-- regardless of the situation--no adult with good taste and social manners.... wants to "see it, hear it, or smell it".

AND---To finalize all the lessons-you-should-have-learned-as-a-child-- this is my last reminder: Regardless of whether you're at home or visiting a friend...or relatives... DO NOT leave the bathroom door open, forcing me or others to share what-should-be------a- very- private moment.

I have no interest in knowing---whether or not you wash your hands--- after you’ve finished your business!

Simply, Sally