WHEN THOSE YOU LOVE STOP LOVING YOU---IT'S TIME TO LOVE YOURSELF.
I don't believe God keeps score. Every day is a new day and our slates are wiped clean, ready for a fresh beginning. God knows I have failed him, disappointed him, rejected him.....even cursed him, but I always return...full of remorse and begging his forgiveness. I’ve experienced the power of God and his forgiveness. God loves me.
Being abandoned by a child or children is the most traumatic experience ever suffered by a parent. It’s a life-changing event that can only be described as a living death. There is nothing positive about losing your heart; there are no words to stop the pain. I had nothing to lean on-- to get me through each day. Desperate for relief, I made lists of items that triggered my tears and sadness, starting with photos. I hid every picture that touched my heartstrings.
Over time I forced myself to move forward-- knowing my life would never be the same. In order to thrive, my life requires Hope and Sunlight--- neither of which exists in the bottomless pit called depression. I went searching for whatever could inspire Hope; I reached out for Sunlight wherever I could find it.
My only comfort seemed to come from writing my thoughts, exposing my emotions, and covering page after page with words. After a while, I began connecting my words, much-like building a train. I started with the engine---to begin my sentence and ended each sentence with the caboose. Feeling stronger, I began focusing on sentence structure and grammar and soon--- my evenings were occupied with editing and rewriting. Writing became my goal.
And I began thinking about me and my need to believe in me-- again. My lifelong companion---the mirror---listened as I looked at myself and preached: “Okay, Sally, it’s time to stop chasing your tail with so-many negatives. Put the abandonment in the past and remember the good person you are-- and have always been. Trying to find answers--- is a waste of time. “IF” they return--is no longer the issue. STOP thinking about THEM…and think about YOU.
REMEMBER: YOU were a complete, talented, and loving person BEFORE you were a Wife; BEFORE you were a Mother; and BEFORE you were a Single Parent. Find the person YOU WERE BEFORE---and put her FIRST in your life. LOVE HER like you never loved her-- BEFORE.
MANY YEARS have passed and-- I’ve seen a great improvement in my writing and-- in me. Quite possibly, my children will never read my book...and it no-longer matters. IF they do---it will be their first time to actually meet the person they once-called “Mother.”
FROM MY BOOK: THE BEAUTY QUEEN, Let No Deed Go Unpublished.