Jul. 13, 2021

"OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN...."

This is Part Two of my Book's Chapter about my mother.  This is the ending to the story but---it was my beginning. From this moment forward only God--who truly loves me--controls my life.  This is one of many miracles I've experienced because of God's love:

"I got up early the next morning, 5:00 am, to take a final run. With no money and no place to go, running was my only refuge from the stress of uncertainty.  My mind kept jumping from one scenario to another while my feet--trained to run- moved me forward.

 I was running past a church with a large cross in front when suddenly-- out of the early-morning shadows-- stepped a black woman--- waving both arms in the air.  Looking at me, she hollered, “Hey, White lady, I need you to stop and help me with this money.”  I was both stunned and frightened by the woman’s unexpected appearance but...I stopped.  Holding a handful of dollar bills in one hand, the woman used the other hand to point out more dollar bills lying in a sunburst design at the foot of the church’s tall metal cross. 

Before I could say a word, the serious-looking woman thrust dollar bills in my hand then turned to pick up more.  For the first time I spoke, asking the woman why she was standing barefoot on this particular morning, in front of this particular Cross.  Not once did she smile or engage in conversation. She merely answered me with a brief explanation. ”I live five blocks away and a few minutes ago, God woke me from a heavy sleep and told me to get out of bed and go to this Cross.”  She said God’s request sounded urgent so she grabbed her house dress and ran out the door.  She didn’t have time to search for her shoes.  Trying to piece the mystery together, I kept asking for more details.   Demonstrating no emotion, the woman repeated what God had told her: “You will find money at the foot of the Cross and you are to share it with a white woman running toward you.”  Then, a few minutes later, she “flagged me down.”

I didn’t know if I was experiencing a mirage….or a miracle.  As the stranger started walking away--- I reached out to touch her-- to thank her for being God’s messenger but ---she backed off and--without a word-- disappeared in the shadows.

Several blocks from the church and the cross, I stopped running.  Pulling the “base of the cross" money from my bra, I stepped under the street light to count it.  There were twenty, five-dollar bills….a total of one hundred dollars.   It was enough money to meet today’s needs: food for the cats, gas for the car, and enough money to find shelter for tonight.

I ran back to my mother’s house with renewed determination.  Realizing this was my last opportunity to confront my mother about the incest that had ruined my childhood-- I crossed the hall to her room.  She was dressed, sitting on the side of the bed---reading a daily devotional. Without a word she leaned over, fumbled under the bed for a few seconds then pulled out my father’s shotgun.  Through tightly- clenched teeth, she pointed the gun in my direction and spewed these words: “Get the hell out of my house!”

 Opening the door to my car, I saw her standing in the doorway.  Seconds later, I heard her yelling:  “Come back inside and I’ll tell you what your “Wonderful Daddy” REALLY thought about you!  He hated and despised you and…”   I “laid” firmly on the car's horn--shutting out her ugly shouting--as I backed out of the driveway then--quickly drove away.  It was over.

 I’d given her my Childhood, my Dreams, my Future, My Children, All My Money, and--most of My Life.   For the first time since being born---I was free".