Dec. 4, 2021

POTTY PROBLEMS

So....Several weeks ago I was in Walmart with my usual grocery list.  If you know me--then you aren't surprised--I don't adhere to my list.  Regardless of the fact it's not on my list, I have no choice but find the aisle that contains----- All-Things-Chocolate.

Those of us with a Chocolate Addiction use Chocolate as our oral therapy. Yes, like any type of "Fix"---Chocolate is a momentary happiness.

Anyway, while I was standing there, lustfully-searching the shelves for an inexpensive chocolate delight-- a very small and stern-looking older man appeared and kept trying—in vain—to move his shopping cart past my cart.  I quickly moved my cart out of the way and--feeling the need to be friendly--I smiled and said: "Just like a child, my trip to the grocery store isn't complete unless I visit the candy aisle. But, of all the candies displayed--- Chocolate is still my favorite."

The man "perked-up" instantly---like we were old friends! This absolute stranger immediately- launched into a lively conversation about his wife's chronic constipation which seemed to be aggravated by chocolate! Before I knew it, this devoted husband asked what I would suggest his wife do-- to eliminate her constipation?!?!?!

Not only did he list the various doctors she'd seen and the many treatments she'd endured BUT--he also described the various enemas, colonics, pills, liquids, even suppositories he'd bought and helped his wife-----insert?!?!?!

Then-- taking a quick breath--- he started elaborating on his wife’s "locked bowels"---and that's when I interrupted to say--- "oops!  I forgot I have a DOCTOR’S appointment in Hot Springs in just fifteen minutes and I can’t be late!  It was so nice talking with you and please say "hi" to your wife!"

I smiled, waved goodbye and--holding on to my shopping cart for dear life-- raced far- away from the Deadly Chocolates to the safety of Aisle 12—with all the Detergents, Bleaches, Clorox Bottles, and Cleaning Supplies.

I wonder if it's too-late for me to get a degree as an Internal Body Therapist?!?!?!? The world is full of people who need someone to talk with about their body dis-functions or someone to listen to the details about their personal-plumbing dilemmas--or both.

For some reason--listening to people talk about their poop---or their ability to “go” or not “go”--is a complete turn-off to me but--if it was my job-and I made lots of money listening to and talking to people's about their pooping problems then—I might learn to enjoy it.

Maybe I could convince Walmart to hire me as a "Traveling-Inside-The-Store"Therapist with a “specialty” in Personal Plumbing.