OUT WITH THE OLD--IN WITH THE NEW--AND JUST KEEP MOVING.
There's an old saying "Misery loves company." It's not one-of-my- favorite expressions since I don't indulge in misery. But, during the holiday season, I fight within myself--to stay positive.
I bet I'm not alone when I say--I dread Christmas. I spent a lifetime glorifying God’s birth but now-- with no family-- the Christmas Season challenges my heart. TIME WAS, when I loved singing beautiful music to celebrate the Birthday of the King--but not anymore. Now, the heart-touching music reminds me of the two times I gave birth and celebrated the beauty of new life. Years later, I have nothing to show for those births except physical and emotional scars.
But, I stay busy; I have no choice. In early 2018, I moved from my “forever” home and--as countless times before, started life over-again, in a strange-new place. With no choice, I sold many lifetime treasures that represented happier times. Sometimes Life instructs you to do what’s required--or else. Again and again, I marvel that the heart can be broken endless times yet---miraculously— continue to beat.
Possibly my most challenging day during my recent move….. was watching my grand piano being wheeled out of my life, forever. I felt like death had stolen my best friend. My beautiful and classic piano had faithfully responded to my touch since the early sixties but now…because of the ugliness of heartless humans….its strings were-now... forever silent.
To me, a piano has never been merely a piece of furniture. A piano is a magnificent source of beauty that can be a solo voice, a full orchestra, or a simple melody. A piano stands ready to share a moment of happiness or an afternoon of grief, but most of all--it’s the sound of love that can only be heard through an expressive touch.
Here in this new and still-strange place, I continue to travel through boxes, in my effort to eliminate past treasures. Day after day, I sort through saved photos, newspaper clippings, awards, corporate gifts, and huge stacks of personal correspondence. All those long-ago years---constantly-on-the-move-- I never found time to pigeon-hole my life into scrapbooks. Seems there was only time to put more things—into more boxes.
Yes, I’m still alone but I choose not to be lonely. My big dog Cubby and my two cats, Sugar Babe and Candy, are always just “one touch” away. Also, I’ve formed valuable friendships with countless birds, possums, squirrels, chipmunks--even deer--who visit me regularly. They know me well and they know they are loved.
My “downsizing” is a constant work-in-progress. Recently, I discovered a box filled with hand-written love letters, hand-selected Hallmark cards, and hand-written love notes--written by long-ago boyfriends—some who have died while others---have simply-faded away. I’ve re-read the hand-written love notes from my long-ago boyfriends more than a few times. And, I can’t help but wonder---- what happened to the emotional letters I sent back to them?!?!? I’d be interested in knowing who might have read them--long after they were received?!?!? Oh---how I treasure all the sweet comments and simple expressions of love displayed in long-ago writing. I so-easily remember those who loved me--and those I loved in return. Sadly, none of my past loves and I made it to "forever and ever." What-matters-most is--- Young Love was the sincerest kind of love. It was ever-new and exciting---and romantics-- like me-- will remember it---always.
I look back on my younger years and feel happy in knowing I lived--shared love--and felt loved. Even today, I live every day with meaning and purpose and thoughts of love. Sure-- every time I open another cardboard box--I face another emotional journey into the past but I’ve learned to hold-tight to those memories that make me the happiest. Anything that encourages tears of sadness, regret, or grief-is immediately-thrown in the trash.
Remember: Nothing last forever---even Christmas. So, I’ll continue to “downsize” my past-- eliminate more boxes and more things----- and pray for January 2, 2022, to arrive--soon!
Love to all--- as we begin to close-out the old and welcome-in--the new!