May. 12, 2022


This is a collection of funny one-liners--- exactly as they were typed by medical secretaries:


Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.


Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.


On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.


The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.


Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.


Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


While in the ER, Eva was examined, x-rated,  and sent home.


Skin: Somewhat pale, but present.


Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.


Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.


Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Jones, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.


The patient refused autopsy.


The patient has no previous history of suicides.


She is numb from her toes down.


She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.


Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.


Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized.


Patient was found in bed with her power mower.


She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.