Aug. 23, 2022

NO ONE WANTS TO SEE IT--HEAR IT--OR--SMELL IT.

 Shortly after moving back to Little Rock—in 2008-- I attended a dinner party. There were no children at the event, only grownups.  Well, age-wise, those in attendance were legally-- grownups.  Shortly after being seated, I looked around to see if anyone looked familiar.  My attention was quickly drawn to a man sitting at a nearby table--picking his nose.  Actually, the short-fingered, over-weight, man was seriously “digging and flicking.”  Others at the table were talking, laughing, and seemed to simply-overlook him.

Fighting a strong urge to walk over and slap his hand away from his nose—I decided—instead-- to study him.    It became clear that the man-child was married to the woman across from him. Apparently, the wife had learned to live with her husband’s nasty habit.  I can’t imagine being married to a man who habitually- picked his nose-- like a belligerent child--any time---and any place! How could any woman KISS a nose-picker OR-- HOLD his hand OR—ANYTHING ELSE?!?!?!

If a person “picks” at the table-- that means he “picks” anywhere. If he picks it--there’s a strong possibility he eats it and---If that isn’t enough to make you gag---then you have a caste-iron-stomach.

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When I returned to college in the early nineties, I was “assigned” a seat in the Cafeteria at the “Dorm-Mothers” table. One of the women at my table, with large diamonds embracing each finger, bragged about receiving millions of dollars five years earlier, when her husband died.  She insisted the small salary she made as a Dorm-Mother was un-important.  She claimed she just wanted to stay busy, feel useful, and serve as a role model for young women.

Well--after watching her after-the-meal-routine-- of using her long, manicured fingernail to carefully-pick between all of her teeth-- then to either re-eat the “leftovers” or “flick- them” to the floor—I decided she didn’t qualify as anyone's “Role Model.”

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I will never forget my first “official” date after divorcing in 1973.  My former sorority roommate at the U. of Arkansas insisted I have a blind date with her still-single brother. Not only had her brother recently graduated from medical school but, after seeing his photo, it was clear he had an undeniable WOW factor.

I was impressed with his looks, his slim and fit body, the way he dressed, but also-- his sleek, black Porsche. He announced he’d made reservations at Little Rock’s TOP OF THE ROCK Club--which made me think he had good taste.  Looking back, I had every reason to get excited about this-- our first date.  We were the last people to enter the crowded elevator. There were at least eight others ahead of us but--they “tightened” their ranks to make room for the two of us. The elevator door had barely closed when it happened--when the horrific sound and ghastly smell overwhelmed everyone in that tiny steel box;  when the realization that MY DATE was passing gas—in public-- on an elevator full of strangers--and me!!! Just Imagine---My Date actually giggled and laughed as he "performed" like a mischievous child!

The embarrassing silence that followed the last few seconds of that horrible elevator ride was extremely-telling. When the elevator door finally-opened at the TOP OF THE ROCK---everyone pushed and shoved to quickly- leave the smelly incident with the laughing fool—FAR-behind.  My once-promising evening was forever- destroyed by MY DATE’S inexcusable lack of manners. Nothing, not even a beautiful dinner and an elegant atmosphere-- could erase the memory of the nauseating elevator incident.

MY DATE’S arrogant attitude clearly-stated: "I can do what I want, when I want and--TO HELL with everyone around me"!!!!!  I learned—long ago—that a beautiful or handsome appearance is no guarantee of classic manners or proper behavior.  And--- the expensive Porsche is nothing but a flashy accessory.

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In my opinion, Life is simple-- when you respect others as well as yourself. Just live-life-like a grownup and practice basic manners. Good manners--learned from childhood-- should never be forgotten. Good Manners separate civilized people from untamed/intolerable heathens.

If you’re married and your mate didn't receive "proper training" as a child, then it’s your responsibility to train him/her as an adult.    No adult should purposely-expel gas, anywhere—but definitely--not in public.  Farting in front of others is nothing more than a disrespectful/degrading act performed by an immature person who is desperate for attention and control.

I speak for respectable Ladies and Gentlemen--everywhere--  when I say: NO ONE should be allowed to demonstrate the kind of bad manners I’ve documented above.  Quite frankly---no respectable adult with good taste and good manners wants to "see it, hear it, or smell it".

Simply, Sally