JUST MAYBE---DOCTORS ARE HUMAN, TOO
1. Man comes into the ER and begins yelling: “My wife's about to have her baby in the cab! I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and-- began taking-off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed there were several cabs around and-- “oops”--- I was in the wrong one!
Submitted by Dr. Mark Mac Donald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on the anterior chest wall of an elderly and slightly-deaf female patient. "Big breaths"--I instructed. "Yes, they used to be"-- replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day--I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had just-died of a massive myocardial infarction. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that her husband had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me-- his doctor--that he was having trouble with one of his medications. And I asked: “Which one? “ I was shocked when he replied-- “The patch. The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now-- I'm running out of places to put any-more patches!” I quickly-had the patient undress and discovered exactly- what I didn’t want to see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Today, the revised instructions instruct the patient to remove the old patch before applying a new one!
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA.
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered-- "Why, not for about twenty years--- when my husband was still alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and-- while checking-up on a man-- I asked –“So, how was your breakfast this morning?” In response, the older man replied: “It was very good except for that Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste” Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled--“KY Jelly.”'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled in a Punk- Rocker Mohawk-- sporting a variety of tattoos-- and wearing strange-looking clothing-- entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read---“Keep off the grass.”
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said: “'Sorry but--I had to mow the lawn.'’
Submitted by RN--no name.
8. As a new and young MD doing my residency---I was always embarrassed when performing pelvic exams on older Females. To cover my embarrassment--I had—unconsciously-- formed a habit of whistling, softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing a pelvic exam suddenly burst-out laughing---further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said—“I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?” She replied with tears running down both cheeks-- from laughing so hard! “Doctor--- the song you were whistling was--"I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener!"
Dr. wouldn't submit his name....
AND--ONE MORE---- My Favorite!
Baby's First Doctor-Visit. This made me laugh out loud! I hope it will give you a smile or a laugh: "A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. Soon--The Doctor arrived and began examining the baby. Checking the baby's weight and being a little concerned, the doctor asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. “Breast-fed”-- the woman replied.
“Well, please strip down to your waist.” the doctor ordered. And, she did. He carefully--pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts, thoroughly--- in a very professional and detailed examination. Then motioning for her to get dressed, the doctor commented: “No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.”
"I know," the woman replied. "I'm just the baby's Grandma—but--I'm really glad I came."